Movie Review: The One (2001)

"Oi, this is me new iPhone? Roight, Raymond. Bloody children's toy, it is.
On your bike, mate."

The One is an unassailable algorithm; it's mathematical martial arts aesthetics. Everything here, in all of its breezy 80 minutes, appeals to the senses, unfiltered. In an admirable conflation of the sci-fi and kung fu genres, The One mixes equal parts wushu, special effects, slow-mo, wirework, laser blasters, muddled Nietzschian philosophy, Jason Statham. This is how the story goes: instead of a single universe, there's a "multiverse," comprised of mirror worlds and mirror selves, and wouldn't you know it, an evil Jet Li named Yu Law, finds out that killing his mostly wholesome multiverse counterparts increases his strength. We join the story in progress as Evil Jet murders another of his counterparts, leaving only Gabe Law, a duty-minded police officer played by Jet, as the penultimate Jet. Two multiverse agents, one played by the inimitable Jason Statham, are then tasked with preventing Yu Law from completing his mission. There's plenty of gratuitous special effects on display here, but unlike some other martial arts films, they augment the physical abilities of Li instead of replacing them. Smartly, Li gives his Yu/Gabe Law characters divergent fighting styles to match their respective moral outlooks, and this becomes important during the climatic sequence. Most importantly, it's a visual extension of the thematic content, embodied rather than merely spoken, and the fights gain so much in legibility and genre specificity because of this. The action sequences are clean, and the purely physical stunts are well-integrated with the CGI. As previously mentioned, the final fight sequence between the dueling Jets is a wonderful conflation of traditional wushu choreography and special effects. Other highlights include a superb late-90s/early aughts soundtrack, including many of my pubescent favorites like Papa Roach. It's also worth noting that this was something of an early milestone in the career of Jason Statham; indeed, this was most likely our proper introduction to him. He's unquestionably foregrounded in this film, particularly near the end, and he lays out nearly all his quirks rather quickly. For many reasons, including purely personal, purely nostalgic ones, The One has earned a rightful place in the Code Redd Net canon.

Book Review: Memoirs of a Geisha (1997)

Chicken Man goes on a "books about Asian women" binge. First is Memoirs of a Geisha. Prepare yourself for more.
Note: In recent years it has been fairly rare that I take the time to read fiction. This is because reading tends to be a time-intensive process and I demand to come away with something (most often new knowledge about some subject of interest). Perhaps unjustly, I have taken modern fiction to largely be for purposes of entertainment and without the benefit of learning much of anything. Film seems to be a superior substitute if only for the benefit of taking less time to enjoy. Hence it is rare that I would recommend a novel to someone. Please take that for what it's worth.

What truly struck me about Arthur Golden's novel is the sheer amount of detail the reader experiences through the eyes of the heroine, Sayuri (who is called Chiyo as a child). She is able to weave a tapestry of similies and metaphors as if her words can create nature as well as Bob Ross' brush. It's almost as if her ability to do so alone makes Memoirs of a Geisha worth reading; Mr. Golden is like a poet in his creation of the thoughts of Sayuri. It is more than that, though the way it is written may be its most attractive feature. Another part of the appeal is stepping into the kimono of a rural Japanese girl of the 1930s who is essentially forced into human trafficking, albeit the most glamorous portrayal of human trafficking that I know of. That is not to say "glamorized" though, for the plight of little Chiyo is one in which it is hard not to sympathize. A recurring them throughout my "books about Asian women" binge is that of the lower status of women in many Asian cultures, and hopefully by the end the reader will realize why the phenomenon of seeing little old Asian ladies at the gym is so prevalent: they are tough! And so it is with Sayuri, who loses her only friend early in the story and has to grow up without another. This is one feature of the story that seems difficult to believe: nearly everyone Chiyo encounters goes out of her way to make her life hell. Such lack of sympathy raises questions about human nature. As such, one cannot help but cheer Sayuri on and take her cause as one's own. Memoirs of a Geisha is a joy to read and, for the most part, reasonably well-paced. It does get a bit long in passing the 500 page mark but it doesn't feel as though much filler was used (which seems to plague too much fiction). Without a doubt, it is one of the most refreshing novels of recent memory and I cannot say that I regret having read it.

Thoughts On Scene It? 007 Edition

In lieu of a more traditional review of this DVD board game, I've decided to share with you a few quick notes on Scene It? 007 Edition. I was quite pleased to finally find this thing, and for the most part, it didn't disappoint. Here's a few thoughts on the game, based on my familiarity with the subject matter and the mechanics of Scene It?:

• First of all, 007 fans should only pick this up under the assumption that you anticipate finding willing and capable opponents to play against. Admittedly, it's fun for a while to run roughshod over the other players because you've seen every film in the series, but this soon becomes boring and there's no way to turn up the difficulty on your friends.

• As for the difficulty of the trivia, there's a good balance between questions drawn from inside and outside the films: that is, questions about the films' characters and plots are offset by questions about actors, directors, and theme songs. Furthermore, these questions range from the textually obvious (i.e. who played who in what film) to minute details which require considerable familiarity with the film. As such, it becomes obvious throughout the course of several games which films your friends/family members are more familiar with; for instance, I was swift in answering detailed queries on the plot of The World is Not Enough (or anything starring Pierce Brosnan), but struggled to recall the principle players of The Living Daylights, besides star Timothy Dalton. Still, the game is careful not to overwhelm casual viewers of the series with minutia, while at the same time keeping obsessed fans interested. It's a sufficient balance to insure broad appeal at your next party.

• Obviously, 007 Edition features clips from all official films in the series, from Dr. No to Die Another Day. They vary somewhat in length, but in general they are carefully selected and fun to watch or re-watch, as the case may be. My biggest problem with the clips is the volatile nature of the questions which follow them: too often these questions have little or nothing to do with the preceding clip. After watching a clip from TWINE, in which Bond and Christmas Jones escape from the exploding blast pit, I was asked, "Who played Electra King in this film?" Points for sticking with the same film, I guess, but minus several million for totally ignoring the content of the clip. On the other hand, these clips are sometimes followed by questions which only necessitate a player's attentiveness to seemingly arbitrary detail, such as the color of Bond's shirt in For Your Eyes Only. Rarely do the clips justify themselves within the game; instead, they only seem to be there for the purpose of visual distraction, and this is a complaint I often lodge regarding the various Scene It?s.

Nonetheless, if you have a cadre of pals willing and able to challenge your exquisite knowledge of 007, this edition of Scene It? is worthwhile. Daniel Craig was nowhere to be found in my somewhat dated version, but there's a Casino Royale Collector's Edition that brings things a little bit up-to-date.

Movie Review: The Forbidden Kingdom (2008)

I feel the same way.

Unfortunately, The Forbidden Kingdom was released 10 years too late, at best; in both physical capabilities and star power, Jackie Chan and Jet Li have noticeably deteriorated in the interim. What comes out of their first onscreen pairing then is a mediocre kung fu epic, a celebrity all-star game, built upon a rickety foundation of reputation in which the name value lent by the masters is more important than their former abilities. Too bad, because a Jackie/Jet rumble in the 90s was the stuff of our grade school daydreams. Kingdom's got an inane premise, sure, and though that's a virtual prerequisite for the martial arts genre, it's not even inane enough to set up some spectacular fights. See, this kid named Jason loves Hong Kong action cinema, and on his latest trip to a mysterious pawn shop, he runs afoul with a band of malcontents his age. They rough him up so bad that he is magically whisked away to feudal times where he now has to hone his skills, at the behest of Jackie and Jet, so that he can return a staff to its proper place, fulfilling a destiny, you get it. There's many problems with this story, not the least of which is the shoehorning in of a white guy to be our unnecessary, emotional Orientalist tour guide, but the principle sin is unquestionably the all-too-brief fight between Jackie and Jet. It's fine for what it is, but it's not fine because of what it could've been. Technically, the choreography is clean, the cinematography is unobtrusive, and even the editing is a-ok, but there's little interesting about the whole thing and there should be when the team-up involves these two. Instead, Kingdom's stars are simply there to give the rub to others, most notably our intrepid white boy hero, and his acting is awful even by kung fu film standards. All Kingdom can do is send us back to our other DVDs.

Finest Fights: Police Story (1985)

Still bringing you the best fight scenes available on YouTube, only now, we bring 'em intermittently.

Aha, so today we have one of Jackie Chan's finest, the mall brawl from Police Story. You should know, Police Story is going to be featured in an upcoming countdown here at Code Redd Net, where we revisit ten of Jackie's best films. Consider this an early preview:

And, as an added bonus, enjoy the "making of" Jackie Chan: Stuntmaster for PS1:

 

Sadly, Stuntmaster was never released for the Game Gear. Danny had to convince himself otherwise :(

 

XBOX 360 Review: Red Dead Redemption (2010)

 

I have always been a fan of the mythical Old West. As early as I can remember, my toy collection included the necessary little plastic "Cowboys and Indians." Certainly, many people shared my enthusiasm for the spirit and characters of this genre. Thus, it is quite a wonder why video games took so long to catch up with our boyhood fantasies and imaginations. Besides gems like the arcade game, Sunset Riders, or the click-and-shoot cinematic Mad Dog Mcree, I hadn't experienced many Westerns in the video game format. This is Wikipedia's list of what I've been missing. But without a doubt, Red Dead Redemption is by far the most engrossing, encapsulating, and thorough electronic Western experience that gaming has to offer. It is definitely more than just being "Grand Theft Horse", but it does offer the open world experience people expect from Rockstar. There is plenty to do, from hunting to card playing to breaking in horses to treasure hunting to playing horseshoes. It is amazing in how it transports players to a different time, when life was tougher but most people were friendlier due to their greater independence on each other for survival. (Of course, being a video game, not everyone is very friendly. But for an historical account of the real Old West, see The Not So Wild, Wild West.) I was impressed with how characters didn't simply act like people today transported to a by-gone era; rather, they seemed authentic. The main character, John Marston, is a person to whom one can easily become emotionally attached (a phenomenon demonstrated, for example, by ones who carry a sign that reads, "Frodo lives!" or wear a T-shirt with "Save Marla Singer" written with a Sharpie). He deserves to be in the cowboy hall of fame, perhaps under (but only just under) John Wayne, Clint Eastwood, and Steve McQueen. As fantastic as these movie stars were and charming as the films in which they appeared, Red Dead reminds us of why we find video games so appealing: they transport some place hard or impossible to get to and allow us to do things we cannot do in our physical coils. Need I say more? Red Dead is a jewel of a game and an indisputable must-have for fans of Westerns, adventure games, third-person shooters, and/or free roaming games who have access to hardware capable of running it.

Sad Day For Sam Fisher

I alluded to my disappointment with what I saw in the E3 trailer of Splinter Cell: Blacklist during our time of highlights. I would like to elaborate on such in the present. As you can see from the above "Fifth Freedom" trailer, Sam is quite different from what he used to be. Now, I'm not only talking about the unforgivable fact that he is not voiced by Michael Ironside or that he seems to have gotten younger. In fact, nearly everything that lead me to become a fan has been altered or eradicated.

Most obvious is the gameplay itself. The tagline of Splinter Cell originally was "Stealth Action Redefined." With Blacklist (though the trend already began with Conviction) they are going to have to redefine "stealth" if they still want to label the series as such. Hitler agrees.
But beyond the gameplay, one of the things that really led me to appreciate the legend of Sam Fisher was seeing his evolution as a character. From the beginning, he always seemed to have an irreverent attitude towards his superiors and the military chain of command, especially when it was contradictory with his own moral vision. For example, in Chaos Theory while in Seoul to recover the data of a downed spy plane, the player is given the option of putting himself in danger of turrets in order to rescue the unconscious pilots. If he does so, he is not only warned, but discouraged, by Colonel Lambert, being told, "You won't get a medal for this, Fisher. You don't exist." Yet Sam does it anyway, citing his desire to sleep at night, demonstrating that whilst military brass give a higher priority to personal ambitions than to the lives of those under their command, Sam plays the role of the honey badger when it comes to his career. Even more telling is in Pandora Tomorrow when Fisher is told to shoot an unarmed woman who has been helping him because she is a double agent. If the player chooses to do so, Fisher expresses his anger at Lambert, claiming that his actions seem indistinguishable from those of the terrorists he is fighting. This is highly relevant to the "Fifth Freedom" trailer, which I will discuss below. As a final example of how Sam grew both as a character and in his independence from US intelligence agencies, Double Agent leaves him divorced from Third Echelon entirely, Conviction showing him to be now fighting it directly. Personally, as one who has become disillusioned with the military-industrial complex and intelligence agencies' all out assault on civil liberties, Sam was elevated beyond the status of legend, displaying a level of heroism rarely seen on any video game. Fisher had seen the State for the corrupt entity that it is and took it on. Simply awesome.

You can imagine the crushing blow that Blacklist is to me. Rather than further taking on the State, Sam has once again become enlisted in its ranks, only this time in a far more nefarious role. The words spoken in the trailer, beyond being trite and utterly predictable ("Saving lives...by taking them."), show just how far Sam has fallen. In our actual world, the US executive has has declared himself to be above the law, all in the name of upholding "American values and freedoms". He claims the right to imprison without trial, torture, steal anything he deems to be of value in national defense, and assassinate anyone he decides is a threat. Likewise, the fictional president in Blacklist also claims the right to bypass the law, Fisher being her tool for doing so. We can see Sam using the same weapons, i.e. predator drones, that have killed untold numbers of civilians in Pakistan and elsewhere in recent years. We also hear Fisher engage in Orwellian newspeak, as mentioned above.

In one fell swoop, it seems, Sam Fisher has fallen from grace; his beyond legendary status exchanged for becoming a mainstream shooter look-alike. As Tyler Durden says, "Putting feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken." Likewise, putting on night vision goggles does not make you Sam Fisher. Whatever Blacklist is, it does not deserve to have "Splinter Cell" in the title.

Spy Hunter for PS Vita, AKA Nowhere to Run II?

This time, There Really is Nowhere to Run, and thank goodness for that. Embedded below is the trailer for the new PS Vita version of Spy Hunter. And quite unlike Spy Hunter 2 and Nowhere to Run, this one looks enjoyable. In particular, I'm intrigued by all the customizable options for the Interceptor.

If you have a Vita and want to take a crack at reviewing this one for us, by all means, leave us a comment below or shoot us an email: codereddnet@hotmail.com.

Hot Piano Chick approved.

We're Busy

"Excuse me, but don't you mean gettin' busy?"

Enjoy this picture of Ricky Tan; he's a busy man, like us. We know November has been a lean month at Code Redd Net, but we promise to have some exciting, new content for you in December. Posts, podcasts, all that. Keep watching the skies.

Save TimeSplitters!

There's an online petition hitting the social media right now to either bring back the TimeSplitters series for a fourth go-around, or at least for an HD collection of the first three games in the series. Both ideas sound dandy to us; you know our love for everything TS (citations here, here, here, here, here, here, and here). Of course, there's been numerous, generally informal, petitions for new editions before, but this one has some official weight behind it, as the petition makes clear: "...the CEO [of Crytek, the game developer that absorbed series creator Free Radical Design in 2009] Cevat Yerli also said that if there was enough demand, they would perhaps make a new game." For Yerli, "enough demand" means 300,000 devotees.

Even IGN News is on top of this, so you know it's important:

 

As of this writing, the petition has 57,404 signatures of the needed 300,000. You can sign the petition by following this link. For what it's worth, Code Redd Net fully endorses this petition to bring back TimeSplitters. Both directions seem equally pleasing for fans of the series. I would suggest, however, that even if the petition reaches the required number of signatures, Crytek's hesitancy wouldn't immediately subside. They would probably throw out the HD collection to test the market themselves (I'm operating under the assumption that producing an HD collection of old games would cost significantly less than developing a brand new game) and guage the property's success prior to going forward with TS4. Nevertheless, this is great news for fans of the series.

Nobody Reviews It Better: Skyfall (2012)

Finally, Skyfall has arrived; it doesn't disappoint. Thrasher gives you all the details in the conclusion (for now) of our Nobody Reviews It Better series. Truly, we can think of no better way to celebrate Code Redd Net's 11th anniversary than by reviewing this fantastic film.

Throughout Skyfall, villains and allies alike allude to Bond's aptitude for the job; that he has "lost his edge" is certainly the consensus opinion. I take this as a tacit apology for Quantum of Solace, as much for his fellow characters as for his audience. Skyfall is a resurrection narrative, a literal reinscription of the Bond mythos. The generic "bad grammar" of Solace is corrected systematically, starting with the traditional pre-credits sequence. As always, this is pure spectacle and is satisfying on those terms alone (indeed, all the stuntery in the film is clean, well-choreographed, and logical), but a simple gesture reintroduces Bond as we knew him before; as Bond leaps onto the back of a train, which he has just creatively demolished, he adjusts the cuffs of his shirt before continuing the chase. It may seem a banal thing in isolation, but it's a crucial signal, something which Craig-Bond has too often forgotten. Even on the level of story, Skyfall is an investigation, and ultimately a validation, of the renewed relevance of 007. Instead of trying to "update" Bond, Skyfall retrofits his world, gives him Moneypenny, Q, his Astin Martin DB5 (complete with ejector seat!); it places him once again in exotic locales, all shot in expressionistic tones; henchmen routinely meet beautifully absurd deaths; and in a world of increasingly cybernetic, faceless threats, embodies the Other in the classically cheesy villain Raoul Silva, played with aplomb by Javier Bardem. Such retroactivity never seems merely self-referential or cannibalistic, and it's truly wonderful to see the series finally come to terms with its status as an anachronism rather than try to compensate for it. Skyfall is unquestionably Craig's best Bond film, one that finally proves, beyond doubt, his qualifications.

Happy Birthday, Code Redd Net

Memories...

Code Redd Net is 11-years-old today, and we get to celebrate by taking in Skyfall this afternoon! It's been quite a journey, from the days of Geocities (if you know what that was) to the Blogger of today, and we hope you continue to enjoy our prose. As ever, we're committed to engaging with new media as well as lovingly embracing the neglected, aging artifacts of gaming and film. Look for new reviews of Skyfall (the exciting conclusion of our Nobody Reviews It Better series) and 007 Legends, as well as a Jackie Chan Retrospective coming out later this month. Of course, we'd love to hear from you, so drop us a line in the comments below or send a nice, loving birthday e-card to codereddnet@hotmail.com. Now, if you're feeling as nostalgic as we are, we entreat you to check out the following commemorative articles which Chicken Man and I penned last year in celebration of 10 years of dedicated adolescent fandom:

An Ode to Code Redd Net
A Concise History of Code Redd Net

And if you didn't already know, take a look at the Code Redd Net Awards. They're subjective, of course, but wonderfully so.

Movie Review: Looper (2012)

Recently, it seems that Joseph Gordon-Levitt has been riding an increasing wave of popularity with release after big release. Some of them have been very good, such as the Chris Nolan films Inception and The Dark Knight Rises, as well as 50/50, while some have been questionable, like Hesher. But it seems that he is not yet big enough to command that other actors conform to his image. In Looper, he plays the younger version of Bruce Willis, being made up to have somewhat similar but unconvincing facial features. Even though he doesn't look like a real person, I somewhat like the caricature-esque face, which makes it almost more play-like. It is not written for the live performance format, though, as it is a science fiction thriller set in 2044. Gordon-Levitt plays the role of Joe, a looper, which is an executioner. Time travel is invented in 2074 and by this time body-tracking has made it difficult to dispose of bodies, so what the mafia does is send them into the past to be killed by a looper. However, a looper has only a limited-time contract with the mafia until their future selves of 30 years are sent back to be killed by themselves, which is called "closing the loop." After this they are allowed to retire and enjoy the next 30 years. The reason for closing the loop, if it was explained in the movie, was missed by me (nor was the reason for the prevalence of such anachronistic weapons given). It simply seems to be a poor business practice. And what happens is a case in point: Joe fails to kill Old Joe, played by Bruce Willis, who escapes and wants to keep the undesirable events of the future from happening. Like any good sci-fi film, Looper clearly has a very interesting concept, but unlike movies such as In Time, it develops this concept into a good story. It is more than just an action film, blending themes of difficult moral decision making involving selfishness and loyalty, as well as being disturbing enough to leave me a little trippy while walking out of the theatre late at night (I thought that one time through the loop was enough). At no point is it boring; I was engaged throughout. In addition, Looper seemed like classic Bruce Willis, in that the action scenes were more like the ones in the first Die Hard rather than the outrageous ones in the sequels. Sometimes simple plausibility in these matters is more appealing than the MacGyver/van Damme/Brock Sampson who can kill legions with only a pair of chopsticks and some fishing line. It is by no means the best sci-fi thriller, but I think it gets the job done, particularly if that job is watching a satisfying movie of this genre when there are no other film priorities.

Bye Bye X-Play?

Not that I watch it too much these days, but apparently G4 (which I mostly enjoyed back when it was called TechTV) is discontinuing all its programming having to do with games. It wants to re-brand itself as something more akin to GQ, according to this article.

   

 Can't say that I will miss them too much, though I did enjoy G4's coverage of E3. Oh well.

Sessler emulates the look of his childhood hero, the  wrestler, "Kane."

Nobody Reviews It Better: Quantum of Solace (2008)

And here it is, our last entry in the Nobody Reviews It Better series. Chicken Man takes you through a most tepid adventure indeed in Quantum of Solace. We certainly hope you've enjoyed our retrospective; it's been an interesting experience for us, and revisiting these films reinforced our love  for some (Goldfinger, GoldenEye), while for others we found a new and deeper appreciation (Timothy Dalton's two films). Keep it here for our review of Skyfall following its release on November 9, as well as an upcoming two part podcast on this same subject, which Thrasher is currently editing. James Bond will return, clearly.

Quantum of Solace was a short story that Ian Fleming wrote that has James Bond as a seemingly minor character. Coincidentally, the film of the same title seems to have little to do with James Bond as well. Immediately after seeing it, I wondered, if the characters names were changed and there was a different cast of actors, would anyone say, "Wow! This is way too much like a Bond film!"? Besides the Aston and the Walther (and perhaps a woman dipped in some type of commodity asset), hardly anything has the Bond signature. It could easily be just another nameless action movie. What makes it Bond, James Bond? Part of it is the gadgets, none of which are present here. Did his Aston Martin even have any rockets, oil slick, or ejector seat to speak of? It seems like those would come standard with Q Branch. Of course, the Bond girls are included, one with the silly name of Strawberry Fields. I actually liked what happened here with Olga Kurylenko's Camille Montes in that she seemed to have more of a friendship with Bond in achieving a common goal of revenge, rather than being the obligatory sex partner. Any such relationship of the latter type would have felt tacked-on, so I was pleasantly surprised that such an attempt wasn't made. And what about the villains and their villainous plots? The series is famous for these. Weren't some of the earliest films even named after them? Dominic Greene simply doesn't merit it and his scheme, if successful, would be hardly known by anyone. The man is a bit of sissy and rather than having a fearsome henchman like Odd Job, he has his bowl-cut sporting cousin named Elvis. Director Marc Forster said Dominic Greene is supposed to "symbolize the hidden evils in society," and what could be more evil than posing as an environmentalist in order to be more popular and get more funding? Almost as lame is his plan to stage a coup in Bolivia so that he can become the monopoly water provider in the country. Now, I am against government granted privileges to business as much as the next guy. However, it is quite likely that in the municipality in which you live that there is no competition allowed in the provision of this utility. Is James Bond coming to save you as well from the evils of monopoly privileges too? If only. As well, it is somewhat hypocritical of the British government to go around stopping the Quantum group's coups in Latin America when the British Empire has so heavily intervened in the affairs of others itself. In the end, Quantum of Solace just doesn't offer what has made the Bond series great (which might also include a good video game) and might have fit better as a DVD epilogue to Casino Royale.

Nobody Reviews It Better: Casino Royale (2006)

Enter Daniel Craig in the chiaroscuro of film noir for a most unusual pre-credits sequence. Today Thrasher breaks down Casino Royale, a radical Bond film that thankfully challenged many of the stagnant tropes of the series. Regrettably, in the long run it may have been overaggressive in shrugging off much of what makes a Bond film distinctive. But that's a tale for Chicken Man to tell in the final installment of Nobody Reviews It Better.

 

When Bond looks at a bartender, who innocently, even expectantly, asks him how he would like his vodka martini mixed, and Bond replies, "Do I look like I give a damn?", well, that is precisely the sort of generic insouciance Daniel Craig needed to distance himself and the series from the bloated extravagance of Die Another Day. Such an unconventional response is an immeasurably important moment. It's a moment that signifies a significant change in the tenor of the series. Indeed, so much of Casino Royale is given over to reconfiguring Bond that it seems like Craig's Bond is not quite Bond yet, he hasn't earned that title; he's very much Bond-in-training. And quite unlike the others, you would never think to describe his 007 as a smooth operator. He fails at his job, and often. For his first real mission after attaining 00-status (has there ever been a starker contrast in the series than the one between the CGI-driven finale of Die Another Day and the film noir pre-credits sequence of Royale?), Bond must travel to Montenegro to enter an ultra-high-stakes poker game organized by Le Chiffre, one of the world's most notorious and terrorist-friendly bankers. During the game, Bond loses. It's something that would never have happened to Sean Connery, Roger Moore, or Pierce Brosnan; they were all faultless, invincible gamblers. Sure, Bond gets back in the game with the help of his old CIA pal Felix, but seeing Bond lose like this, even once, shakes loose decades-old expectations and prepares us for something new. That's what makes his unexpected, monogamous devotion to fellow agent Vesper Lynd work so unexpectedly; when you unseat one set of conventions, you make it possible to unseat them all, and Craig thankfully tosses aside the womanizing connotations of the role in favor of love, something Bond hasn't hasn't had the courage to try since On Her Majesty's Secret Service (and, to some degree, in the Timothy Dalton films). Lest you think it's all wine and roses, Casino Royale has many outstanding action and suspense numbers, even though I think the hand-to-hand fights, despite their suitably brutal presentation, are sometimes filmed in a confusing, headache-inducing manner. For all his "failings," though, this Bond emerges with our respect, and soon enough our sympathy. When the iconic theme music finally plays at the end (an astoundingly astute use of the music, I might add), he's earned it.



Dreamcast Review: Sonic Shuffle (2000)

One of the things that I love about Sega is how innovative it has been, though sometimes it has been ahead of its time. It pioneered technologies that only later became more popular: motion sensor controllers (in the Dreamcast's case used for fishing simulation) playing console games online with other players, or even the technique of cel shading (which started with Jet Set Radio and was quickly followed by Sonic Shuffle). However, innovation can also be achieved through using another's idea as a basis and improving upon it. Indeed, this is how the majority of innovation occurs. I believe this is what Sonic Team tried to achieve here, using the formula that made Mario Party so popular and putting the Sonic brand on it. Largely disappointing is the fact that it failed to impress. One of the big problems is that the time investment required to progress in the game is quite large: one "board game" takes easily an hour to complete and you must win or you are back at square one. This perhaps wouldn't be so bad if the board game itself were more enjoyable. It involves a LOT of waiting while other players make their moves. Not only that, but the mini-games that are the real draw of these party games are few and far in-between. Unlike Mario Party, where mini-games are played after everyone has had a turn, to play a mini-game in Sonic Shuffle, one player has to land on the correct space. Even then, a mini-game is not guaranteed as landing on this space may turn out to be something stupid, such as a "mini-event" where there is a silly story you have to sit through (even during a computer players turn!) and the player will encounter some insignificant beneficial or negative result (such as the loss or gain of some rings). Another often encountered space is the "battle" where you have to fight some insignificant monster (or watch your AI opponents do it). It does not add anything to the game except more waiting. When you finally do get to play mini-games, the experience is less than what it could be because they are often quite hard. This itself wouldn't be so bad, but since these games happen so infrequently, it is difficult to practice them enough to gain any proficiency. An option to practice mini-games outside of actually playing the board game would have been welcome. In the end, you will need to invest several hour-blocks of free time and plenty of patience to get anything out of this game. And I can't guarantee that what you get will not be a headache.

Movie Review: Taken 2 (2012)

Who didn't love the scary Liam Neeson killing machine we saw in 2008's Taken? The "I will find you. I will kill you," rings out just as awesome every time I watch it. Needless to say, I was pretty excited to see the return of Brian Mills in Taken 2. However, as the movie drew to a close I found myself hoping that there would be more. Apparently my lust for violence was unsatisfied. Let me qualify just what that violence is. It is not just any violence, but the justified sort from a skilled killer who has been deeply wronged. This is what we saw in Taken. Brian Mills showed a remorseless display of precise brutality: throat punches, point-blank face shots, electrocution. He responded physically how we feel emotionally towards such barbarism and evil as human trafficking. And perhaps it may be unhealthy or even somewhat sadistic, but I enjoyed this seemingly righteous dispatch of bad guys. With Taken 2, one feels the same justified indignation towards the antagonists, who are the family members of the many men Brian killed previously. There is nothing honorable about them; they desire revenge against Brian and his whole family and are unapologetic towards the deeds of their kin. I grew giddy with anticipation of seeing them dealt with. However, the movie got off to a bit of a slow start: for a kidnapping that the trailer told us would be happening, it took a long time to occur. After it did, the pacing seemed to somewhat slow down again, as we watched a captured Brian giving his daughter instructions on how to rescue him via phone. Unlike the first movie, which seemed to build and build toward the climax of finding his daughter and the men who took her, this one seemed to peak and plateau in a cycle. This being said, some of those peaks were quite good, my favorite being one of the first where we get to watch Brian engage multiple foes in hand-to-hand combat (I had watched the "Krav Maga" episode of Human Weapon two nights before. This scene was reminscent). My least favorite was the car chase with the daughter driving, with the repetitive dialogue and the fact that this girl who failed her driver's test twice was driving like a stuntman. In its consequent culmination, I did not feel the climax; it was as if the final showdown happened prematurely. Sitting silently during the credits, I felt myself imagining a post-credit sequence with a bunch of ninjas attacking Liam unexpectedly or him making the trip to Albania to end these crazy human trafficking families. I feel bad in saying that I had a thirst for a certain type of violence, and worse in saying that Taken 2 did not quench it.

Nobody Reviews It Better: Die Another Day (2002)

It's Thanksgiving today in our cushy Montreal office, so to celebrate, we offer you the second part of a 007 double-header this weekend. Thrasher returns to Die Another Day for the first time in 10 years, and believe it when we tell you, it hasn't aged gracefully. Unlike Moore-Bond's final outing, Brosnan-Bond was still more than suitable for the role; it's just the material that got bloated. Casino Royale was the recoil, and that's next up in Nobody Reviews It Better.

At least we got Nightfire out of all this.

Back in the Geocities days, I wrote this about Die Another Day: "I meant to say that [Halle Berry] is clearly not very good in her role as Jinx, and together with Bond they are content to trade insipid sexual innuendos throughout the film, something that was immensely annoying on my second time through." Go ahead and add a third time to that statement. Without question, Halle Berry is the worst of Bond's coterie of gal pals, and she doesn't just "trade" those insipid sexual innuendos with Pierce Brosnan, she speaks entirely in them. Pun is just about the only language she knows, and everything she says will make you cringe ("Ornithologist, huh? Wow. Now there's a mouthful."). It's too bad, really, because when she's not onscreen the film isn't that bad, certainly not as bad as I remember it. Of course, there's a rather odd plot involving a few North Koreans who use gene therapy to become snooty, sneering Brits, and a giant satellite laser called Icarus that melts away an ice hotel, but that's fine. It works generically, anyway, seeing as how most Bond narratives are pretty far-fetched. What matters most is that everything is executed well, and with conviction, and the first half of Die Another Day works. By far the best action sequence in the film is Bond's fencing match with "white" playboy Gustav Graves; it's so carefully constructed and exciting it manages to overcome the completely unnecessary Madonna cameo by sheer, boundless will (incidentally, I'd be remiss if I forgot to mention just how god-awful her theme song really is, about as bad as her acting). And for eagle-eyed Bond aficionados, there's plenty of Easter eggs and hidden references to find. But such references, cute though they may be, only serve to remind viewers of much older, much better, and much less anniversary-driven films. This becomes even more clear once Halle Berry, after disappearing following a short introduction at the beginning of the film, suddenly reappears for Round 2 of her pun war with Bond ("Oh yeah, I think I got the thrust of it."). Patience wears thin during these exchanges, and it seems as if their uninspired dialogue has been matched by a series of equally uninspired stunts in the second half. There's a phenomenally lame laser grid boxing match between Bond and Gustav's muscular bodyguard, and in the background Jinx flails around while strapped to a malfunctioning chair, still saying idiotic things ("Switch them off, or I'll be half the girl I used to be!"). Bond even goes surfboarding for a minute or two, and his CGI self hasn't aged gracefully over the past decade. Furthermore, there's a strange and intermittent use of slow-mo in the fight scenes that seems absolutely at-odds not only with the style of this film, but of the whole series as well. DAD may be an overblown mess, but there's still some enjoyment to be salvaged from the rubble. There's just a lot of rubble to clear first.



Nobody Reviews It Better: The World is Not Enough (1999)

Nobody Reviews It Better returns once again, this time with Chicken Man's look-in on the third Brosnan-Bond, The World is Not Enough, one of the most prominent films in the CRN firmament. Brosnan was probably at the peak of his powers as 007 in this one, even if the material surrounding him was, as C-Man notes, uninspired. Considering the prior two films in the series, Brosnan put together a string of absolutely solid (or better) performances before nose-diving with his final film, Die Another Day, something which Thrasher will take up later this week. For now, though, enjoy this latest installment in our lead-up to November's Skyfall.

"I heard you hated Mamma Mia! too."

We have reviewed The World is Not Enough before. This was several years ago, but my opinion of it hasn't changed much (though I hope my ability to communicate has). As expressed previously, this is truly an action-heavy Bond film. It involves a bank escape via window, a boat chase, a skiing ambush, a gunfight in an underground nuclear research facility, a bomb defusal/chase inside of an oil pipeline, a face-off against buzz-saw wielding helicopters at a caviar plant, and a takeover of a submerged nuclear submarine. It seems as though Bond has adapted to the audience attention spans of the times. The Bond girls, as well. In the case of Christmas Jones, I find myself less impressed with Denise Richards these days, but she had amazing self-awareness for a Bond girl in that she even acknowledged the possibility that one could form jokes about her name. And, as Thrasher so astutely observed, the plot is predictable, and I would even go so far as to say uninspired. As was the case with The Spy Who Loved Me, the villain is an "anarchist" who wants to use nuclear subs to blow stuff up. This seems simply lazy to me, as it explains nothing in terms of their motivations. Instead, they are just one step up from the balaclava-wearing Molotov-throwing stereotype of anarchists. It is a misrepresentation of those who advocate non-aggression in human relationships and ironic considering the only use of a nuclear weapon in history has been by a state. Other than that, a villain who has no sense of touch or pain is very interesting and almost embodies the physical equivalent of a totally non-empathizing sociopath. This is how Bond villains should be (though "Dr. No" and "Goldfinger" might make better movie titles than "Renard"). He is a fitting adversary for Bond, who it seems struggles with his own demons of being a hired killer while also dealing with the aftermath. As he says to Renard, "I usually hate killing an unarmed man..." contrasting the lack of emotion Craig-Bond claims to have towards ending lives. I must say I find the former more interesting. There are enough Rambos for whom "killing's as easy as breathing." Make no mistake, TWINE is a great Bond movie and an even better video game. Sadly, though, this is Desmond Llewelyn's last hurrah as Q, with John Cleese being his short-term replacement. Q leaves us with some of his best work: his retirement fishing boat, winter coat with side curtain air bags, and a decked out BMW Z8 with remote control and guided rockets. He should have been working for Toys'R'Us rather than MI6. Clearly, grad student Q has big trousers to fill in the upcoming Skyfall. Can he do it?

"Now pay attention, 007." *Record scratch*
"My name is Q, and I make the toys
You're on a secret mission... now make some noise!"

Parker Trailer

Jason Statham, our favorite contemporary action star, has a new film coming out in January. Check out the trailer for Parker below:

It's like if Frank Martin in The Transporter got to play dress up and rub elbows with J-Lo. Should be right up there with Safe if the trailer is any indication.

"Oi, Raymond, you don't need your mouth to pee."

PS1 Review: 007 Racing (2000)

 

It's not a bad idea, right? Perhaps 007 Racing is somewhat misleading as a title (it's not as if Bond has joined a Formula 1 circuit), but it's a bankable project theoretically. In execution, however, things fall apart rather quickly. Remember, 007 Racing was released on PS1 roughly a year before Agent Under Fire arrived on PS2. AUF had a much more refined "racing" component, thanks in no small part to the first draft sensibilities of Racing. There's not much of a story going on here, just a collection of mission briefings and vague allusions to the films. Similarly vague mission objectives present frustrating and artificial levels of difficulty. Replaying the missions so often (while Q repeatedly yaps in your ear with the same three or four disapproving soundbites) wouldn't be problematic if the graphics didn't insist on muddying the waters even further. Everything is so pixilated and poorly animated that it all becomes a nauseating, low-speed blur. Furthermore, there's little sense of urgency or speed; proceeding through the missions at little more than the pace of brisk walk is not only enforced by the cramped level designs themselves, but it's strategically necessary as well. More often than not, missions devolve into a demolition derby with stinger missiles that routinely do more damage to your Astin Martin than your adversaries. And it's not as if your car handles like a dream, either; it's slippery at "high" speeds and prone to ignoring your button commands whenever. It's hard to say which of these aspects make 007 Racing so difficult, but their gestalt certainly makes you want to turn it off with the quickness. This is not Spy Hunter; stick with that one instead.

Artistic rendering of 007 Racing.

Nobody Reviews It Better: Tomorrow Never Dies (1997)

How do you follow up something as seminal as GoldenEye? For Pierce Brosnan, you kick back and settle in for the ride. In this installment of Nobody Reviews It Better, Thrasher catches up with Brosnan-Bond as he relaxes in the well-earned comforts of formula.

i totes got a licenz 2 kill, lol

Pierce Brosnan's 007 loves his toys, even more so than Sean Connery, and the scenes in which he remotely, and so deftly, maneuvers his new car with a cell phone is likely the best evidence of his growing technophilia. Though GoldenEye had its share of pocket-sized gadgets, Tomorrow Never Dies is tops in Q-labs exhibitionism, and yet, despite the increased sophistication of the electronics, it's a tried-and-true, traditional Bond film. Elliot Carver may be an intriguing, and very contemporary, take on the megalomaniac super villain, but he's still seeking out his worldwide empire, just like Dr. No, Goldfinger, Blofeld, and others. He plans to further his news supremacy via yellow journalism; specifically, he coordinates the disappearance of a British warship in the territorial waters of China, thereby pushing the UK and China close to war, and thereby putting himself in a position to assume the exclusive broadcast rights once the smoke has cleared. Bond is quickly sent abroad to sort things out before it all goes sour, and that's where he runs into Wai Lin (Michelle Yeoh), one of the more respectable (if not exactly well-rounded) female cohorts in the entire canon. Bond and Lin make for a pretty good team, and their motorcycle chase through the crowded streets of Saigon is a ludicrous, enjoyable sequence. All the action is handled competently, even though some of the special effects and CGI have not aged gracefully (this is especially noticeable when Bond and Lin use one of Carver's banners for a makeshift escape). Still, though, it's obvious Tomorrow Never Dies is little more than a routine mission for Bond. Eventually Carver captures him, tells him far too much of his nefarious schemes, fails to kill him when it would be advantageous to do so, and so on. Maybe that's part of its charm; Dies may play it safe, but it proves the formula is still satisfying when followed properly. As Bond tells Carver, "You forgot the first rule of mass media, Elliot: give the people what they want!" And who would know this better than Bond? He's been doing it (better) for fifty years.



Nobody Reviews It Better: GoldenEye (1995)

We now move into the era of Pierce Brosnan, the Bond we grew up watching. As Chicken Man intimates in his review, we came to appreciate Brosnan-Bond in GoldenEye through an inverse method: it was the N64 shooter of the same name that turned us on to the film (and, eventually, all the others in the series). That's probably not an uncommon phenomenon for our generation. Nevertheless, whatever the course of our affective relationships with the multiple texts of GoldenEye, the film is unquestionably one of the finest in the series. Indeed, if the Code Redd Net Awards and its Best Bond Movie prize were the last word on the subject, we'd have to say GoldenEye is tops.

 

 

For myself (and I imagine for a few others) GoldenEye is the movie adaption of a very popular N64 game. Though not saying much, it is probably the best movie adaption of a game ever made. Kidding aside, I find GoldenEye  to be everything a Bond film should be. If we think of James Bond as the man men want to be and women want to be with, Pierce Brosnan plays this part succinctly. I find him to be the most "charming and sophisticated secret agent" of the Bonds, as Valentin Zukovsky suggests. Unlike Moore, he is not upper-crusty, but fits well on the cover of Cigar Aficionado.

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, Jean-Claude Van Damme I'm fine!"

 

His enemy well chosen: an MI6 agent, Alec Trevelyan, 006 (Skyfall seems to be trying to replicate this villain device). Trevelyan is also a personal friend; one who grew tired of serving a government that betrayed his family. He wants revenge and thought of asking Bond to join him, but accuses him of having greater loyalty to the mission than to his friends. As I've mentioned before, it interests me when Bond's servitude to the state is put into question. It would have been better had Trevelyan's plan not intended to harm so many innocents, making Bond's decision not so clear cut. Regardless, it is so much more enjoyable when the Bond villain is a respectable adversary. It is somewhat refreshing that he doesn't have some ridiculous scheme involving the destruction of Earth, but an EMP space weapon that seems plausible and reasonable in furthering his objectives. Bond is really being unfair in calling him "nothing more than a common thief."

The surrounding cast is good as well. Female villains are always interesting, especially when they have not-so-subtle names. Xenia Onatopp is one of the most vivacious of Bond chicks, along with May Day, and is as easily remembered. Boris Grishenko is a likable, though arrogant computer programmer who, like Baron Samedi, is "invincible." Quite a team, they are.

A (mostly) required element to a good Bond movie are the gadgets, and Q keeps it pretty simple with a belt containing a rappel cord (I enjoy how Bond asks about a possible contingency, considering my criticism in the past of Q's perfect foresight), a grenade pen, and a watch that can detonate mines and shoot lasers.

The final requisite is the action scenes, and I find GoldenEye to be unsurpassed in this regard. It certainly is more violent (according to my count, Bond shot more people in his escape from the Russian military archives than Connery did in whole movies), enough to make a game out of it, but this isn't what makes it good. It is the frequency and the way in which it is done. During the tank chase scene, the Bond theme music is well incorporated (something noticeably missing in previous films), especially with its dramatic flair in the crescendo with the timpani drums. Fantastic work.

It's all here. Bond seems like Bond. The villains are cool and scary. The plot is high stakes yet believable. The gadgets are practical. The action is constant. GoldenEye is what a 007 movie should be.

Nobody Reviews It Better: Licence to Kill (1989)

Much like Chicken Man in his appraisal of The Living Daylights, here Thrasher finds Timothy Dalton's final turn as Bond in Licence to Kill to be a refreshing thing indeed. Unfortunately, legal disputes put the series on a significant hiatus after this solid action film, so we never got to see where else Dalton-Bond could go. Fortunately, though, he steered Bond away from the absurd comedy Roger Moore's adventures had devolved into, towards our preferred incarnation, that being Brosnan-Bond, and also towards a fantastic video game adaptation.

Last time I looked into the series, Roger Moore was still waddling around after young girls and tussling with Christopher Walken in a blimp. For me, A View to a Kill exemplified the excessive stupidity and bloated boredom of the Moore years. But things certainly changed for the better when Timothy Dalton came aboard, and his brooding Bond in The Living Daylights was so pleasantly different from Moore's cheeky, upper-crusty version. Dalton's seriousness is embellished still further in Licence to Kill, when a highly personal revenge motive drives Bond instead of the usual cold-blooded assignment carried out for Queen and Country. In our traditional pre-credits sequence, Bond accompanies his old CIA pal Felix (in the middle of his wedding in Miami, no less) on an emergency mission to catch Franz Sanchez, a notorious, and immensely wealthy, drug lord. They succeed in a thrilling aerial chase, a sequence not only exciting for its own sake (as is the implicit purpose of these pre-credits stunts), but also one of the rare instances when the pre-credits sequence is directly related to the rest of the film, a la The World is Not Enough. Following his capture, Sanchez is freed and he immediately returns to kill Felix. Though he is unsuccessful in killing Felix via sharks, Sanchez shoots his wife and retreats to a banana republic. Bond swears revenge and is subsequently suspended by MI6 after he refuses to drop his vendetta.

For the first hour or so, Licence to Kill doesn't really feel like a Bond film, except for the hyperbolic stunts. Bond's suspension from MI6 means very few of the familiar narrative tropes remind us that we are watching 007. Thankfully, however, and unlike the similar Quantum of Solace, about midway through Q turns up to issue Bond his trademark gadgetry, even though he seems to forget to bring along Bond's equally trademark wit. It's not a totally dreary affair, but Licence to Kill is indeed fairly austere. I'm reminded of early Bonds, like the earliest, Dr. No; Dalton does make a few quips here and there, but the tone is realistic, or grasping at it, and Dalton has the sensibilities to pull this off. It's welcome after a decade-plus of Moore's lecherous innuendos. He's matched by a strong villain in Sanchez, as well as his surprisingly adept (and very young!) henchman, Benicio Del Toro. Licence to Kill also has some of the finest stunt work in any Bond film, especially the wonderful tanker chase/fight to close things. Still, it's tempting to simply look at Dalton's tenure as a stop-gap en route to Pierce Brosnan, especially with only two films to his name, but closer inspection reveals a fine, multilayered interpretation of the character that fits in nicely with the canon.

Nobody Reviews It Better: The Living Daylights (1987)

At last, Moore-Bond has been relieved of his duties! Now, in an effort not to sound unduly harsh of Sir Sleeze, we should note that not all of his 007 films were as bland as the last few; some, like The Spy Who Loved Me and For Your Eyes Only, were actually quite good, and to some degree justified his overlong tenure. But when he was boring, nobody did it better. Or worse, rather. Nevertheless, it's about time we moved on to the short, but somewhat underappreciated legacy of Timothy Dalton. For being such a champ and withering most of the Moore-Bonds, Chicken-Man has first dibs on the refreshing The Living Daylights. Thrasher will check in later with Dalton's second, and regrettably final, film.

After the Moore-Bond marathon, I have never looked upon Timothy Dalton more favorably. First impressions, though, were a bit rougher than they ought to be; Dalton's first "Bond. James Bond," seemed more like how one would address a commanding officer than handle a self-introduction to a beautiful woman. But the gritty push-back against the goofy Moore-Bond style was thankfully not overdone as Daniel Craig's was/is. We see this firsthand in Bond's refusal to shoot a sniper because she is an amateur (and a woman).When told that this might have consequences for his job security, Bond is ready and willing to toss away a job that would require him to do things he felt were wrong. Unlike Craig, the grittiness of the Dalton-Bond doesn't mean being without emotion. In fact, he can be downright sentimental.

One of my favorite parts in this movie is seeing something we might not typically associate with Bond: the act of courtship. After helping the celloist sniper escape from the Soviet's reach, he takes her on a date in Vienna. First he buys her a new dress and they attend the opera. They go to a carnival-like atmosphere, where Bond uses his marksmanship skills to win her a very large stuffed animal. They get caught smooching at the end of their Ferris Wheel ride. "You want to go around again?" asks the conductor. It really is quite cute. I hope one can understand how refreshing this is to me, as Moore-Bond seemed to have less emotional attachment to his conquests than I imagine the typical John does with his ladies of the night. This actually seemed romantic.

As for the other elements of the movie, they seemed to be done quite well. The plot is a bit hard to follow, but doesn't suffer from the implausibility of the outlandish Moore films. The villain is an arms dealer/drug trafficker who fancies himself as an expert warfare strategist and is played by Joe Don Baker (who, interestingly enough, also plays CIA agent Jack Wade in Goldeneye and Tommorow Never Dies, which means he's in more Bond movies than Timothy Dalton!). He finds himself in a jam when the Russians cancel their arms deal since he has the money tied up in trying to profit from heroin trade. He is in league with a rogue KGB agent who falsely defected to the British, only to be "recaptured" by another rogue KGB agent in a plot made to look like the Russians tried to reclaim him. I'm still trying to figure it out.

The most confusing part is how Bond allies himself with General Pushkin, a Russian betrayed by the fake defector, while also allying himself with the Afghan muhajadeen against the occupying Russian army. He seems to be the inverse of Switzerland: instead of being neutral, he's on everyone's side.

The action scenes (including an ice chase and a guerrilla attack on the Russians) are good, and 007 Legends 2 could easily use a scene from The Living Daylights for a bonafide mission. Overall, I'm impressed with Timothy Dalton's debut.

"Q, perchance this outfit makes me look like a doofus."



Nobody Reviews It Better: Spice World (1997) Interlude

Parodies (loving or otherwise) of the 007 films are legion, and ultimately they attest to the enduring cultural impact of the series. These parodies range from the generic and fairly banal (In Like Flint, Our Man Flint) to the more ostentatious (Austin Powers x3). Aside from full on parody, there's plenty of quick cameos and references to the series, including this one, a personal favorite, from Spice World:

I have to say, Roger's way more fun in these few scenes than he is throughout the entirety of Octopussy and A View to a Kill. It's good to see him bring out his inner Blofeld.

Stick with CRN for more (that is, with less Moore) 007 coverage as part of "Nobody Reviews It Better," our comprehensive countdown to the release of Skyfall on November 9.

007 Legends Gets Goldfinger

I was wrong; the fifth classic mission to be featured in 007 Legends is not Dr. No. You probably already know this, seeing as how it was reported three days ago and all. I've never really been the most punctual bloggers in the world, but if you haven't been privy to the news, take a look:

If it couldn't be Dr. No, then I suppose Goldfinger is the only other option. For the time being, I'm assuming there's not going to be a golfing mission against Auric. Nonetheless, this looks perfectly acceptable, with most of the key moments from the film remaining intact, for the most part. Why, Bond even jettisons some poor guy from the seat of his car, even though the car this time is something glossy and new, and not the vintage Aston Martin DB5 I prefer.

(Curiously enough, the comments section for that video is filled with youtubers clamoring for a game more like Nightfire or Everything or Nothing. I'd like to endorse that viewpoint.)

So there you have it. On October 16, get ready to take digital Daniel Craig through Moonraker, On Her Majesty's Secret Service, Licence to Kill, Die Another Day, Goldfinger, and eventually a downloadable Skyfall mission.

Solid Gold Chan

It's not a real thing, but Time Life should get on it right away, don't you think? We did all the work for them.

Jackie Chan's action films have marvelled audiences for decades with spectacular stunts and virtuoso martial arts choreography, and justly so. But what often goes unnoticed is his commitment to providing catchy credits music to accompany us out of the theater. It's high time these diddies got some shine. Enjoy our small compilation of four punch-perfect pop hits, and do so without paying five easy installments of $29.95!

 

First up is Ash's infectious "Kung Fu," from Rumble in the Bronx:

 

Next we have "That One Song, Remember?" from Police Story:

 

We also have something of a rarity on this set. It's the appropriately bouncy "Let's Bounce" by Chic and Erick Sermon, whoever he is, from Rush Hour 2. Though the video below has a picture of the RH2 soundtrack CD, this gem is not on it. It's too bad, really.





Finally, our personal favorite, the always radio-ready theme from Who Am I?, which for years we referred to succinctly as "WHATCHANNANIIIYOOOOOOOO". Turns out it's actually titled "Who Am I (Cantonese Theme)". Makes sense, even though we still prefer our more colloquial expression.