Movie Review: The Transporter Refueled (2015)

My principal concern going into The Transporter Refueled was the replacement of Jason Statham with this non-Statham guy, Ed Skrein. I was right to be concerned, in a way. Skrein is truly a nothing actor. He has none of the childish charisma of Statham. Sure, things happen to him, but his reactions to them aren't particularly interesting, dramatic, or humorous. Thankfully, though, the things happening to him are much more fun than most contemporary action films. In this reboot of the series, Frank Martin (boring-ass Skrein) is busy transportin' stuff in France when his hip old man comes for a visit. Instead of bonding with his father as planned, Frank instead takes a job as a getaway driver for four mysterious women looking to rob a bank. They have plans of their own for Frank, however; his father is held hostage until Frank agrees to help them assassinate a Russian gangster.

Now, this is not a bad premise for an action film, but the first thirty minutes or so almost derail the whole thing. Most of this is attributable to the bland performance of Skrein, as he sourfaces his way through the introductory and characterization bits of Act I. It all gets much better once he is forced to take the job "offered" by the lady assassins. Refueled reminded me of the quality, middle-budget martial arts films that were staples of the Code Redd Net diet in the old Geocities days: Transporters 1 and 2, obviously, but also Jet Li's Unleashed (2005), for example. Once the exposition is finished, Refueled is blessedly short and lean, and the non-entity of Skrein is subsumed by the generally excellent fight scenes and car chases. There are several beautifully absurd action sequences in unusual spaces, such as a car chase through an airport terminal, and a precision missile dropkick delivered through a car window. The choreography is delightfully shaky-cam free, too. All this is to say that while Refueled is certainly not in the same league as Transporters 1 and 2, especially the boring stuff at the beginning, it's still a solid reminder of what action cinema can be.

The Transporter Refuelled (2015) Trailer

Pardon us while we remodel the site. In the meantime, enjoy this trailer for the rebooted Transporter franchise.

I don't know how to feel about this one. Transporter 3 was all kinds of awful, of course, but I'm not sure I would've hit the reset button so hard.

Movie Review: Parker (2013)

Oi, even loike this, they still call me 'andsome Rob.

I thought Parker could work, I really did. It's essentially the same thing as The Transporter, and more of the The Transporter couldn't possibly be a bad thing. Just switch up some character names, surround our hero with some "new" characters, new locales, and new circumstances to put a hurting on ne'er-do-wells, and you're well on your way to a successful action film. Only a dab of panache is necessary. I waited throughout the opening for something, anything, to let me know that a bit of thought, beyond rudimentary craftsmanship, had gone into Parker. I had to wait until much later to find that satisfaction, and it was a fleeting satisfaction at that. As in most tepid action movies, the plot works fine for what it is: Statham, as the titular square-dealing thief, finds himself left for dead by his crew following a particularly sloppy heist, and the rest of Parker's runtime is spent on his vengeful reacquisition of the money (that is, when it isn't spent on Jennifer Lopez's boring real estate job). The problem, then, isn't in the kind of story Parker tells, but in its execution of that story. Statham's character is guided by an ethical code strikingly similar to the "rules" laid out by his Frank Martin in the three Transporters, but unlike in those films, Parker's code comes to us piecemeal and is simply superimposed upon the action. In other words, this code gives him a few neat things to say while doing his job, but doesn't really tell us anything significant about him and serves no purpose in the overall goings-on. Furthermore, the introduction of J-Lo's debt-ridden real estate agent only muddies the waters, effectively derailing Parker's (already fledgling) narrative momentum to shoehorn in an uncooked love triangle that does nothing to raise the stakes. Sure, he needs to use her knowledge of the affluent Miami neighborhoods to find the hoods he's looking for, but the scenes between them are absolutely awkward and their relationship is never satisfactorily worked out, even in a totally oblique or open-ended fashion. Statham gets in a few choice lines, as well as some beautifully absurd disguises, but nothing truly memorable. And unlike most entries in the Statham catalogue, even the beatdowns are letdowns in Parker.

Parker Trailer

Jason Statham, our favorite contemporary action star, has a new film coming out in January. Check out the trailer for Parker below:

It's like if Frank Martin in The Transporter got to play dress up and rub elbows with J-Lo. Should be right up there with Safe if the trailer is any indication.

"Oi, Raymond, you don't need your mouth to pee."

Mr. T vs. Jason Statham, Part 2

Now, the thrilling climax to our once-in-a-lifetime showdown!

An Honorary Code Redd Net Award: Best Jason Statham Movie

For excellence in headbutts and handsomeness, we give you the Code Redd Net Award for Best Jason Statham Movie. And the nominees are...

The One (2001)
The Transporter (2002)
Transporter 2 (2005)
Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels (1998)
The Italian Job (2003)

And the winner is...

The Transporter

"Stath" Infection

Code Redd Net is dedicating this week to our favorite contemporary action star, Jason Statham. Tomorrow kicks things off proper with only the second Honorary Code Redd Net Award in history, deservedly conferred upon the Best Jason Statham Movie. We follow that up with reviews of Crank, Crank 2: High Voltage, and Transporter 3. Finally, join us on Friday for the world premiere of his latest opus, Safe, and our review.

For now, though, we present the nominees for Best Jason Statham Movie:

The One (2001)
The Transporter (2002)
Transporter 2 (2005)
Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels (1998)
The Italian Job (2003)

Jason Statham is... Safe (2012)

When 12-year-old girls go missing, you know who to call. Matter of fact, Stath could probably open a youth center for all the little kids he's saved from gangsters and corrupt gum shoes. Check out the trailer for the new Stath joint, Safe, below. It's out on April 27.

Movie Review: Transporter 2 (2005)

Now this is more my speed; not as self-serious as the original Transporter could be at times, but also not nearly as self-aware, ironic and cloying as that other Jason Statham's vehicle, Crank. What Transporter 2 does with this middle ground, and does with the odd sort of intelligence usually reserved for the James Bond series, is to get as ludicrous as possible but always play it straight. That's what a smart stupid action should always try to do. And in the tradition of 007, this time Statham has to topple a maniac set on infecting the world with a deadly virus. Looks like Statham has finally settled down in Miami, where he works as a chauffeur for an important government official. When the child he drives to and from school is kidnapped and ransomed, Statham sets out to recover the kid and foil the nefarious plans of a drug kingpin and his wacky girlfriend. Not only does T2 take up the revenge narrative of the first film, it smartly combines it with something of more global significance. And by that I really mean to say it suffices in motivating all kinds of spectacle. The name of the game in these kinds of movies is inventiveness. We've all seen a billion fights and a billion car chases, but T2 escalates them to absolutely absurd proportions. In particular, I was fond of the garage fight and Statham's creativity with a fire hose, as well as his final fight with the villain aboard a plummeting plane. For me, T2 has all the special effects stupidity of a video game, plus all of the focus and energy of a cartoon come to life. Too bad the next entry in the series couldn't hang with this one.

Movie Review: The Transporter (2002)

Dumb action movies might be one of the few "genres" where sequels are often better than the originals. I prefer Transporter 2, certainly (more on this later), but the first Transporter is fun as well. Though it lacks the virtuosity and unabashed gusto of its successor, its premise is fittingly, and intelligently, facile: Jason Statham plays getaway driver Frank Martin, a precise and rulebound man who maneuvers his clients out of sticky situations. His detachment from his employers' criminal activities is ruined when, on a routine assignment, he opens up his truck and finds a beautiful young lady. I know, quel coincidence! Of course, the usually unflappable Statham is immediately smitten, and like that, he decides to break his rules so he can unleash many martial arts on the parties responsible for her kidnapping. This premise works well and gives the filmmakers room to invent many fights, tailored to suit Statham's character, which, in terms of fighting style, is more Jet Li than Jackie Chan, more brutal and adult than slapstick. The fight scenes are memorable, truly, in particular Statham's encounter with a band of thugs on a bus and one bout conducted while covered in gasoline. Additionally, The Transporter begins with a wonderfully slick and inventive car chase that is worlds better than anything from the execrable Fast and Furious series. Some gaping plot holes spoil the fun somewhat, but so what, Statham seems to say, some beatdowns don't need to be sanctioned by realism. And though Transporter 2 would really let it go, this one starts things off admirably, and ridiculously, enough.