Xbox 360 Review: 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand (2009)

"Where's my skull?"

50 Cent: Blood on the Sand is camp. Macho, meathead, miraculously ridiculous, straight people camp. I obviously can't recall how it was looked at in 2009, but today, on the very last day of 2023, Blood is impossible to take seriously because it takes itself so seriously. 50 isn't playing around. He wants his diamond encrusted skull back. He shoots big guns and is an incredible badass, blowing up helicopters, and pushing away women who want him because he is so cool but he is a busy man running an empire. I love Blood on the Sand. Frankly it's a dumb, bizarre, pleasingly confusing blend of mid-aughts rap culture and War on Terror fantasy role-playing. But, thankfully, backing it all up is a game that's surprisingly still fun to play, especially all 60fps'd up on the Xbox Series X. Fiddy and the rest of G-Unit, wearing bullet proof vests on stage, get tricked while out on tour by a bad promotor and set out on a mission to recover a priceless diamond skull offered to them in lieu of payment for their concert. You follow the skull through various stages of ownership, 50 often pondering "Where's my fucking skull?" There's a lot of shooting dudes in this game. That's pretty much all you do, except some times you drive a truck and shoot dudes. Albeit largely derivative and somewhat repetitive, the gunplay is satisfying and impactful. So, mechanically, Blood is a one-note Gears of War clone in a G-Unit wrapper. And that's fine. You get a couple of nice twists on the standard shooter formula, but not too much; an interesting combo system, a curse button with an attached combo bonus, and soundtrack of classic 50 tunes, such as "In the Club" and "P.I.M.P.". There's an beautiful satisfaction in those moments when you're riding around in a helicopter with your G-Unit pals, blowing up convoys, while "Disco Inferno" plays on the soundtrack. The whole thing is a bit rough around the edges, featuring an ugly 2009-ass user interface, no sprint button (just 50's saunter), and strange gaps in the story and transitions between scenes, yet the painfully earnest qualities of 50 Cent and his lil companions Tony Yayo, DJ Whoo Kid, and Lloyd Banks are all impossibly cute. Too bad it's unavailable digitally. I hope you held on to your 360 disc like I did, because it's pretty expensive and hard to find these days. 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand will be with me forever.

XBOX 360 Review: Splinter Cell: Double Agent (2007)

SC:DA was Sam Fisher's foray into the next-gen era. Was it any good?  Well, the most noticeable jump in quality is in graphics; the impression left on me was reminiscent of how I felt when I first saw the reveal trailer of the original Splinter Cell. The game play and animation remained largely similar to Chaos Theory, at least in most circumstances. Sam shows us the versatility of his skill set in various, short-lived, situations. You control him building land mines, hacking emails, skydiving, and swimming. Strangely, though, this doesn't seem to break up the monotony, which I didn't feel in any of the previous games. There are two reasons for this:

1. The missions are the shortest they've ever been.
2. Almost half of the game is spent at the JBA headquarters.

And being slightly monotonous, it was hard to feel the climax of the story; indeed, major plot events largely had no built-up anticipation and caught me by surprise. One thing that kept me interested in the story, though, was Sam's relationship with JBA member Enrica Villablanca. Was he just seducing her as part of the mission or did he actually have sympathy for her? But even this aspect of the story isn't fully developed or resolved. To be sure, there are several dramatic parts not seen in the other games and this is an improvement in the series. But for being a game with multiple outcomes based on player decisions, these happen seldomly and only really change one major element of the story. The ending (or endings) itself was disappointing and left too many loose ends and questions.

One of the other features worth mentioning is the return of the Mission Rating system from Chaos Theory. Unfortunately, it seems to provide more of a hassle than benefit, especially for those struck with the Curse of Completionism. Previously, the ranking system made a bit of sense: your rating would decrease for obvious blunders such as getting identified as an intruder or setting off alarms, but would also provide some added challenge by prohibiting lethal attacks if one wanted a perfect rating. DA goes overboard on this. Sam's bread-and-butter tactics, like shooting lights and and knocking out guards, now incur a penalty, as do breaking locks and forcing hacks of keypads. Though it may seem cool by forcing the player to essentially become a ghost, in practice it is an exercise of saving the game after every minuscule action and nearly endless trial and error. Trying to get past multiple guards in well-lit rooms has more to do with luck than skill. All of this works against having an engrossing gaming experience by reminding you that you are limiting the tactics in your toolbox for no other purpose than getting a "100%" to display on a screen.

In sum, SC:DA for the XBOX 360 was not my favorite entry into the series. Not that it is a bad game, but having nearly impossible expectations for 100% completion somewhat lowers replay value. Strangely, having missions where it's conceivable to make it through without being seen makes it much too easy if one decides to use a gun. Thus, there are really only a couple of ways to play.

Stay tuned. I will finish off our Splinter Cell review series with a comparison between the XBOX 360 and PS2 versions of Double Agent.

XBOX 360 Review: Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare (2007)

Without a doubt, Modern Warfare is one of the most cinematic games I've ever played. The drama of some of the cut scenes and situations the player finds himself in are breath-taking and beg to be shown to others who haven't yet experienced them. This includes crawling in a ghillie suit through a field full of enemy soldiers and armor, experiencing a nuclear explosion, and manning the guns on an AC-130 gunship (eerily reminiscent of a predator drone). In the story mode, you switch between controlling a fresh out of selection Special Air Service operator and recon force marine. Though the differences are often subtle, I like the contrast this provides between special forces and conventional infantry. It's also pretty cool how inter-connected the plot is: these two forces are fighting in the same conflict but in different roles. The graphics are still quite impressive even years after its release.

Being a next-gen release, it utilizes the current standard of regenerating health rather than a life bar. This is interesting in how it can affect the overall experience of the game. Let me explain this. Whatever difficulty you choose to play on, you will be shot and have to hide and recover quite often. On the harder difficulties, the same amount of damage will instead have you dying and retrying. This makes me wonder how accurate of a modern warfare experience this game is. Obviously one isn't going to be able to get shot and just stay under cover for a few moments and be all better. But, on the other hand, it is not possible to make it through this game without doing just that. It appears that the hardest difficulty, Veteran mode, would most accurately reflect the amount of damage a human body can withstand. In my own experience playing in this mode, I die countless times and only manage to advance to the next checkpoint when luck decides that I should. Playing this way for any length of time can give one quite a morbid feeling about warfare; how does anyone survive it? Surely, the CoD trailers make those special forces guys look cool, but the gameplay makes it seem that they only survive because of blind chance rather than their elite abilities.

I don't find the gameplay itself to be that fun, especially on the harder difficulties. It often entails repeatedly popping up, trying to shoot someone while getting hit, and then crawling around trying not to die. The occasions where tactics come into play are limited. There are very few alternative pathways included in the game. As well, you are just a grunt and have no ability to command your allies to do anything. It is really too bad that for how imaginative the cinematic elements are, the gameplay doesn't match it. The repetitive nature of the game made it pretty weak in terms of replay-ability. I played through the game on the Regular and Hardened difficulties and then put the game on the shelf for a long time. Hardened was frustrating enough. Only recently did I try it on Veteran. I don't recommend it.

In addition to the story mode, the game features a somewhat cool arcade mode which can be used as a form of competition for those poor souls who lack multiple controllers. You play through the game with a set number of lives and a time limit, seeing how far you can get and how many points you can rack up. Unfortunately, that's all it is: playing the story mode with a time and life limit where points pop up for shooting people.

One last thing I'd like to comment on is how dark the Modern Warfare and Black Ops series have been. This includes (besides the obvious examples of seeing men next to you get shot and killing hundreds of enemies) the start of Modern Warfare, where the player takes the point-of-view of a head of state in the Middle East riding to his public execution, watching a man get sucked out of a helicopter, crawling around after a crash only to see the aftermath of a nuclear bomb and die, and in Black Ops where the player experiences the simulated horrors of being sent to a Russian gulag. I suppose this seems only right; war is the most horrible invention of mankind. But one thing I'd really like to see out of this series are tragedies of war that hit closer to home. In Modern Warfare, special forces actually abort nuclear missiles in flight targeting the eastern seaboard of the US. What if you play and then find at the end of the game there actually were no weapons of mass destruction and you've been fighting for a lie? What if when you are controlling a heavily armed aircraft your allies aren't so clearly marked and you end up killing hundreds of civilians (as has happened with predator drones in Pakistan)? What if you are called upon to assassinate an American citizen (or anyone else) because simply because he upset someone in power? What if you capture and torture someone only to find out they were innocent? Though the Call of Duty games have touched upon the horrors of war, they have only scratched the surface.

If not for its online play, Modern Warfare would not be nearly as popular. The goosebumps one gets from the presentation in the campaign mode, however, ought to be experienced. Offline, it is a game worth at least one play through, so it comes recommended as a rental, not a purchase.

007 Legends Gets Goldfinger

I was wrong; the fifth classic mission to be featured in 007 Legends is not Dr. No. You probably already know this, seeing as how it was reported three days ago and all. I've never really been the most punctual bloggers in the world, but if you haven't been privy to the news, take a look:

If it couldn't be Dr. No, then I suppose Goldfinger is the only other option. For the time being, I'm assuming there's not going to be a golfing mission against Auric. Nonetheless, this looks perfectly acceptable, with most of the key moments from the film remaining intact, for the most part. Why, Bond even jettisons some poor guy from the seat of his car, even though the car this time is something glossy and new, and not the vintage Aston Martin DB5 I prefer.

(Curiously enough, the comments section for that video is filled with youtubers clamoring for a game more like Nightfire or Everything or Nothing. I'd like to endorse that viewpoint.)

So there you have it. On October 16, get ready to take digital Daniel Craig through Moonraker, On Her Majesty's Secret Service, Licence to Kill, Die Another Day, Goldfinger, and eventually a downloadable Skyfall mission.

Daniel Craig in... Moonraker?

This may be a week old, but timeliness has never been our main concern. Nevertheless, IGN has the first 007 Legends trailer up, this one showcasing an updated version of the absurd Roger Moore epic, Moonraker. We've kindly embedded the trailer below:

Moonraker is a decent enough choice (one of five classic films to be featured in the upcoming game), but I'm not sold yet on the do-over philosophy of these new Bond games, perhaps because I was not overly fond of the GoldenEye 007 remake. Seems like this one will have levels culled from Bond lore, but inhabited this time by Daniel Craig and his newfangled smart phone gadgets instead of the original actors. This may be unfortunate considering how much fun I had playing the retro-stylings of Sean Connery in the From Russia With Love remake for PS2, which kept all of the atmosphere of the original film but expanded it for a new medium and a new audience.

Luckily, with E3 looming, we're likely to learn more soon.

Driving Back to the Future

Driver for the PS1 has always been one of my favorites, so much so that I made sure it was nominated for the Code Redd Net Award for Best PS1 Game. Despite the ups and downs in subsequent entries in the series (including the endearingly broken Driv3r), I've always enjoyed its particularly cinematic take on racing. While playing through the latest offering, Driver: San Francisco, I discovered a neat little Easter egg that payed tribute to the original (and Back to the Future):



And just for comparison's sake, let's see that first level from the first game:


That level used to drive me nuts when I first bought the game, but I could probably do it with my eyes closed now.

Crazy Taxi, Sega Sans Offspring

Speaking of game soundtracks, listen to this:

A couple months ago I purchased the Dreamcast Collection for my Xbox 360 and, though I have yet to try either Sega Bass Fishing or Space Channel 5 Part 2, I've been enjoying the opportunity to play through Sonic Adventure, something I missed way back when. It's not perfect, not by any means, but still an interesting time warp. Of course, rounding out the collection is Crazy Taxi, one of my personal favorites and a game I had mastered on the PS2. Unfortunately, my disc for the PS2 version is no longer in working condition, so I purchased this retrospective as a way of replacing it (and getting a few extra games thrown in for fun). Much to my chagrin, however, the Offspring/Bad Religion soundtrack had been completely replaced with generic punk rock. Now, I'm not particularly a fan of either band outside of Crazy Taxi, but within that world I enjoy them tremendously. Replacing them changes the dynamics of the game in a strange, unique way. Sure, the game plays just the same, but nevertheless, something is irretrievably lost without these diddies. Not to mention, all the advertising is gone. Who knew I would miss crazy sliding into Pizza Hut?

Xbox 360 Review: Turning Point: Fall of Liberty (2008)

Boy, I sure love Freedom Fighters for PS2 (it was, after all, winner of the coveted Thrasher's Choice prize at the first Code Redd Net Awards). That game, let me tell you, has atmosphere and style for days. Problem is, it's way too short, so while I light the candles and hope for a sequel, someday, I continue to search for other alternative history action shooters to keep me entertained. It's a niche market, to be sure, and Turning Point: Fall of Liberty is certainly one of its worst entries. Problems arise immediately in terms of the actual alternative history proposed. Though pointing out the logical inconsistencies of such stories is relatively pointless and sometimes quite dubious, I expect, at the very least, that some effort is put into their narrative presentation. Turning Point begins with a quote from Winston Churchill, then asks, literally, what might have happened if Churchill had died prior to the end of WWII. The answer, of course, becomes obvious when the game proper begins and we witness the Nazi invasion of NYC. So Churchill kicks and suddenly the Nazi army has the nerve, not to mention the sheer military might, to invade and occupy America? Not bloody likely. And what about the rest of the Axis? What are they up to? Even putting this ridiculous premise aside, there is little effort made, in subsequent levels, not only to show the Nazi occupation and its effects, but the movements and membership of the Resistance are also vague. And you play as a member of that Resistance! Good luck figuring out your character's name sometime in that first hour of play. Worse, you often find yourself moving through missions, completing seemingly arbitrary tasks, while remaining totally unsure of their significance in the grand scheme of things. It's just busy work, in other words, and that should never be a part of simplistic entertainment like games. Further still, movement through these random assignments is hindered by some slippery controls and guns that rarely fire the way you want them to. True, the levels look pretty nice, and they find cool ways of incorporating famous landmarks into the destruction, but when your path is so limited and your missions so mundane, who cares? I recommend you take the money that would be required to rent this and spend it on a used copy of my beloved Freedom Fighters instead.

Xbox 360 Review: Splinter Cell: Conviction (2010)

You know, I really like Splinter Cell. The fact that Conviction is exclusive to the Xbox 360 had a major influence on which next-gen platform I chose to buy. Beefs with Microsoft aside, I was not disappointed with the game. As you know, it was a serious break from previous entries in the series, with a much faster pace and being more action oriented. This will be a very good thing for some people, as the learning curves for the previous games could be quite large. For the SC veteran, I think he or she will welcome the change and see it as a refreshing take on the original tagline of Tom Clancy’s Splinter Cell: “Stealth Action Redefined.”

Unlike previous games, where gunfights were rare (in the first two games you would be forced into them occasionally, in the latter two it was possible to complete the entire games without firing a shot), they are now quite common. However, as they were once quite uncomfortable, the more action-inclined Conviction allows for quick guerilla attacks that would have been a poor option previously. But this is not without its serious trade-offs. One of the major appeals for me in Chaos Theory was the fact that after completing a mission you would be given a success rating that was heavily based on your stealth abilities. Being seen, setting off alarms, leaving bodies where they can be found, and even lethal attacks would lower the rating. Avoiding these things, as well as completing all objectives, would result in a 100% rating (which aids in the fulfillment of the Curse of Completionism). This emphasis on stealth was continued in Double Agent: there was an unlockable difficulty level that barred the use of guns. Being able to go through the whole game with just goggles, a knife, and the OCP (an EMP device that temporarily disabled lights instead of breaking them and something I wish Conviction included) was downright sexy.

In contrast, Conviction does not seem to have such clear distinctions of superior stealth ability. Many firefights are simply unavoidable and the lack of ability to specifically choose a non-lethal hand-to-hand attack was a drawback as killing indiscriminately sometimes makes one feel like an arbitrary sociopath instead of a precise ninja. Another shortcoming, at least in my book, was the limited vocabulary of Sam Fisher’s enemies, whose mouths are dirtier than any I’ve heard in a game. If you’ve played it, you know what I’m talking about: shoot out lights and you can get them to swear on command.

Fortunately, the superior features of the game dwarf those that may have been better about the old games. There is now a selection of weapons (though I am experiencing glitches obtaining some of them) instead of just the Five-seveN and FN 2000, alternative single player options besides the story mode, specific accomplishments (such as disabling 3 enemies with one flashbang), and other additions that make Conviction a more engaging and lasting experience. It also includes those certain subtle things that really seem to make a gaming experience more fun. Simple things like displaying your objectives on walls, having flashbacks project on those walls, or Sam commenting on how well you handled a group of bad guys. [Another Tom Clancy example would include the instance in Rainbow Six: Vegas how if you reload a gun that is not empty, it will have one more bullet than a clip has after reload, accounting for the bullet that is already loaded in the chamber. This is how real guns work, and a simple thing like that gives the experience a Clancy-esque attention to detail.] The legendary co-op returns, though I haven’t yet immersed myself enough to give a detailed evaluation (though it is promising). As you may know, I do not subscribe to Xbox Live and therefore cannot comment on the quality of the multiplayer. However, some have said that the online multiplayer has “made” the series of Splinter Cell. Obviously, I disagree.

I give Splinter Cell: Conviction one of my highest recommendations. The developers have kept the series fresh and have offered a compelling follow-up story to Double Agent. The gameplay will offer a challenge to anyone, and he or she will feel just plain B.A. in the experience. If you own a 360 and have not played Conviction, you are missing out.