Movie Review: The Expendables 3 (2014)

I feel as though no spoiler alert is necessary, as you should know what you’re getting from The Expendables franchise, if you ever had any interest in it, by now. There are no surprises. You’re getting a movie that tries to draw upon the nostalgia of action movies and actors from the past three decades. However, the action-hero movie genre should not be thought of as a homogeneous monolith. There are differences along a variety of margins.

Consider the original Die Hard. We see John McClane as quite vulnerable. Whereas other action movies have led us to perceive a bullet wound in an extremity as a minor annoyance, broken glass presents a real obstacle to McClane. We don’t see him taking on a million guys at once, but resorting to guerilla tactics due to his comparative weakness in force. Because of this, the drama is far more palpable and McClane seems much more heroic.

Contrast this with The Expendables 3, which contains no tension at any point. The audience is never led to feel that the protagonists are ever in any serious danger at all, despite the fact that they are routinely vastly outnumbered and outgunned. Regardless of all the “action” that occurs in the film, it makes for a rather boring experience.

Also disappointing is the missed opportunity in drawing on the potential nostalgia of the characters associated with the cast members. For example, there is a subtle reference to the character played by Antonio Banderas in Desperado and Once Upon a Time in Mexico, but why not just make up some excuse to have El Mariachi in The Expendables rather than have Banderas play some generic guy?  I mean, it’s not like it would damage the plot in terms of its plausibility or cheesiness. The payoff of seeing guitar cases filled with guns or guitar cases as guns would be totally worth it. The same goes for other beloved characters like Statham’s Frank Martin. Would a story that finds a way to bring these disparate characters together make sense? Probably not. Would anyone care? Probably not. This is The Expendables, after all.

My final grief has to do with the phenomenon of the villain having ample opportunity to dispatch the good guy(s) and for no reason choosing not to. This happens multiple times in The Expendables 3. Early in the movie, the evil Mel Gibson has Rocky Balboa in his crosshairs, but chooses to wound another guy. He is able to capture most of Rocky’s team and later sets a trap that could kill Rocky and the other guys he brings to rescue them, but instead of just blowing them up, he gives them a 45 second grace period in which to disable his bomb. Why he does this, other than keeping the movie from abruptly ending, is not explained. And, in what was supposed to be the climatic showdown between Rocky and Gibson, Gibson has the ability to shoot Rocky dead but instead decides to toss his gun away in order to have a fist fight. The reason for this can’t be to see who’s the better fighter, as Rocky eventually grabs a gun and just shoots Gibson. All of this leaves one feeling as though the villain isn’t that evil (even though we’re told he did all these bad things in the past), but rather exceptionally merciful. Needless to say, this does not make for a compelling triumph over evil.

The Expendables 3 is not really satisfying in any way. It lacks creativity, plausibility, and a reason to keep watching. With Hollywood’s preference for producing tried-and-true formulas, I wouldn’t be that surprised if they tried to make another one, perhaps with an all-female cast. 

Classic Chan: Shanghai Noon (2000)

Coming to the last review by Chicken Man in our Classic Chan series, we take a look at one of Jackie's distinctly American films, Shanghai Noon. Thrasher will bring the series to a close with Accidental Spy. But fret not, we will looking at more Chan favorites in the future.

Shanghai Noon is undoubtedly one of Jackie's best American films. It is perhaps the best film with which to introduce Jackie to a Western audience (no pun intended). The plot is quite simple: the princess of the Forbidden City (Lucy Liu) is kidnapped and held for ransom in the American West. Chon Wang (Jackie) is an imperial guard who is sent to pay her ransom and ensure her return. Along the way, he runs into screw-up outlaw Roy O'Bannon (Owen Wilson) and they become reluctant buddies. The action scenes are also tailored to fit the typical American movie-goer in that they are much shorter than the ones in Jackie's Hong Kong films. Interestingly enough, Jackie's skills as an action star shine through even without forcing some anachronism to do car chases, underwater stunts, helicopter hijacking, or destroy drug dealer's houses with large machinery. The focus is primarily upon his martial arts abilities, one of the highlights being his turning a horseshoe and rope into an effective medium-range melee weapon. He is also involved in a bar fight scene that is easily within the top ten bar fight scenes shown on film. And, as if he were a contestant on The Deadliest Warrior, Jackie tests his mettle against Native American warriors. Every fight scene advances the story (unlike the entertaining, but ultimately pointless, skirmishes between Jackie and Mr. Lo's henchmen), which keeps things fast-paced and moving along. And despite Owen Wilson's presence in it, Shanghai Noon is actually quite funny. It's really hard to point at any single thing and say that it is a flaw (besides the fact that it doesn't have a game like Shanghai Knights does). It defines the Martial Arts Western Action Comedy genre (however big that is), and is simply a solid film. This is truly a Chan classic.

[P.S. Shanghai Noon is also a loaded DVD and will be featured in our upcoming DVD review series, which will highlight some of our favorite DVDs, back from when they used to put worthwhile special features on them.]

Highlights from E3: Splinter Cell: Blacklist

So there's the trailer, here is a gameplay demonstration:


As you can see, it's very similar to Conviction, and continues to take the series into a more action, less stealth-oriented direction. Needless to say, this leaves a lot of fans displeased. But perhaps even more displeasing is the replacement of Michael Ironside as the voice of Sam Fisher. You can see a video of the new actor (as well as Ironside) here. What I'm wondering is what purpose Ironside is serving, since he appears to be working with Ubisoft in the link's video. A highly-rated YouTube comment from Lightning Spartan caught the sentiment of much of the fanbase:

What ever happened to, "They'd always wanted someone a little older, more professional, more experience, you know. Not some young goof ball that you see in your typical shooter". What they do to you Sam ? 

Also of concern (to me at least) is the premise of the story:

The United States has a military presence in two thirds of countries around the world. A group of 12 have had enough and initiate a terror ultimatum called the Blacklist - a deadly countdown of escalating terrorist attacks on U.S. interests. Sam Fisher is the leader of the newly formed 4th Echelon unit: a clandestine unit that answers solely to the President of the United States. Sam and his team must hunt down these terrorists by any means necessary, and stop the Blacklist countdown before it reaches zero. 

What I really liked about Conviction was how Sam was the rogue agent taking down Third Echelon and its new leadership, which essentially was partnered with the military-industrial complex and wanted to get the U.S. government involved in more foreign conflicts so that the artillery manufacturers, plane makers, ship builders, etc. would stand to profit from increased military spending. It was Sam against the Man. Inevitably, the U.S.'s overseas military involvement leaves many less than copacetic, as the story in Blacklist acknowledges. Now, Sam seems to be joining the Man and protecting the interests of the military-industrial complex. Again, a huge letdown.

Hopefully these problems can be addressed before the Spring 2013 release date (remember the redesign and long delay Conviction had because of it?). It actually looks like a fun game to play, just not Splinter Cell. I won't be so quick to say the series is dead, but many of the games' fans seem to think so.