Double the Van Dammage: Timecop (1994) and The Quest (1996)

It's time for another Van Damme double feature/double review. This time, Van Damme packs up his suitcase for two adventures: one involving a trip back in time, and the other a trip to Thailand and Tibet. In both instances, he still has time to do a whole lot of stretching. Keep an eye on Code Redd Net for more Van Damme in the future.

Breakfast by Van Damme.

Timecop (1994)

In 2004, time travel has become so common that a law enforcement agency is needed to police it. Van Damme is an officer for this agency, and while he's an outstanding (and quite flexible, see above) agent, he's still consumed with guilt over the death of his wife. He's sent back to 1994, which is coincidentally the same year his wife was murdered by an up-and-coming politician. Naturally, Van Damme bumps into his past self and other things happen which lead to some fights and rayguns and so on. I assume there's plenty of plot holes and logical inconsistencies in Timecop because fluid time travel doesn't really make sense. But like any Van Damme film, I stopped following the plots a long time ago, and I recommend you do the same. Still, though, Timecop asks some basic moral philosophical questions, which it then answers in a rather trite way at the end of the film. For instance, Van Damme is told numerous times by his superiors that the job of this time travel agency is to prevent anyone from inadvertently tampering with the past, and thus from altering or erasing the future. In 1994, Van Damme not only encounters his wife, but he works really hard to save her. By selfishly devoting himself to saving her life, and thereby rewriting the past, is he not also endangering the future? Ultimately, what is the cost of his happiness for the citizens he's supposed to be serving? Besides Van Damme's selfishness, Timecop is a solid sci-fi/martial arts film. These two genres seem to work well together (shout out to Jet Li's The One). Much like the other Van Damme films I've reviewed lately, the martial arts choreography in Timecop is serviceable. Van Damme is much more of a poser than a performer. That's undoubtedly part of his charm, but don't expect to see
the same kind of physical creativity you see in a Jackie Chan film in something like this. Van Damme's martial arts rely much more on camera tricks and editing. If you can handle that level of artifice, then I can recommend Timecop.

Van Damme as sad clown.

The Quest (1996)

Van Damme plays an exceptionally well-trained martial artist and pickpocket who foolishly stows away on a shipping boat to escape the police. He's found, shackled, and forced to work on the ship, at least until Roger Moore shows up with his own crew of raiders. Poor Van Damme is then tricked by Moore and sold into slavery again on an island where slaves are taught Muay Thai. He becomes pretty good at it, and at that point Moore shows up again to take Van Damme to a mysterious martial arts tournament in Tibet. The Quest is basically Bloodsport with Roger Moore, and maybe a dash of Enter the Dragon thrown in for good measure. The first half of the film is a nonsensical slave narrative, and instead of making Van Damme sympathetic, it just makes him look like the biggest dope around. How long was he asleep in that ship? Could he not swim out of the harbor once he realized that the ship he stowed away on was moving? Why would a slave owner train his property in a deadly form of combat? And why would the slave not use his expert training in maiming and killing people to escape? However, once the tournament narrative begins about halfway through, this turns into a totally competent martial arts film. Even if it's a retread of Bloodsport, who doesn't like Bloodsport? Roger Moore is shockingly decent in this one. Unlike in his Bond films, Moore's essential sleaziness works well with his character's opportunism. Unfortunately, Van Damme and Moore never throw down: instead, Van Damme is challenged by a variety of fighters from different disciplines. The Quest does a good job of establishing the strengths and weaknesses of each style and tying them into the overall tournament narrative. In that way, each match in the tournament, whether involving Van Damme's character or not, has a certain level of intrigue. Rather than cutting together a two-minute montage of the tournament and only focusing on Van Damme, The Quest gives space to these other characters so that their eventual fights with Van Damme are more interesting. The Quest is worth recommending for this tournament sequence, but you can probably do the dishes or something during the first half and not miss much.

Finest Fights: The Protector (2005)

Remember that series where we post videos of our favorite fight scenes on YouTube? This is it. Get ready for some rumbling in non-Canadian metropolitan areas.

It's like Touch of Evil (1958), but with way more Muay Thai.

Movie Review: Fireball (2009)

It's not a bad idea to mix Muay Thai and basketball, but only in equal parts, please. Conceptually imbalanced, Fireball has too much Muay Thai and not enough basketball, and way too much shaky cam. Problems arise mainly from the plot: Tai, recently released from prison, finds out his brother has been left in a coma by a rival team of underground roundballers. He decides the only way to get back at them is to join another team for the upcoming tournament. So far so good. Once the tournament gets underway, however, we are introduced to the rules of this hybrid sport: 5-on-5, anything goes, first to score or last team standing wins. That takes away the most significant dramatic device available in basketball: the clock. Without it, there's no real drive to the "games," no narrative urgency, no countdown to keep things moving, and all four contests shown in the film involve a lot of mindless martial arts and conspicuously little basketball. It's like a poor man's Ong Bak, except the guy who substitutes for Tony Jaa gets to hold a basketball while he strikes his opponents. You only have to make one shot to win the game, yet nobody seems able to get a decent layup or short jumper. Also, why even dribble the ball if there's no rules? Why worry about traveling when lead pipes can be brought in off the bench? Sure, the Muay Thai itself is not bad, but the novelty of the concept unquestionably lies in the integration of Muay Thai techniques with those of basketball. Because the game has no rules, and only a single basket can end the game, offensive and defensive strategy mainly involves beating the stuffing out of someone else and then trying to dunk the ball, only to be rebuffed at the last minute by a running knee or a spin kick because nobody playing in these games understands the fundamentals of ball movement. As a result of such contrivances, much of the editing during the fight scenes is choppy and discontinuous, and the ball, inconsistently documented, warps around the court seemingly without rhyme or reason. It's rarely clear who is about to score, or even how close they are to the basket, so the whole thing comes off as a series of big fights that end when someone simply finds the nerve to sink a five footer. Even the fight scenes lack the kind of spirit or inventiveness of Jaa's best work, and this is not helped by the headache-inducing cinematography that blurs most of the moves beyond recognition, to say nothing of appreciation. There's really nothing in Fireball to recommend. In this case, it's not the ingredients that make for a bad flavor, it's the recipe.